Sarah

My friend and former business partner, passed away last week. For 22 yrs. I've felt an energetic, intuitive, spiritual connection with her ~ I loved her completely, even during a rough time and time of estrangement ~ which defined the last three years. But, in the last month, though she and I did not speak directly, we communicated: I wrote a card. She called and left a message. I called and left a message. She showed up in my dreamspace. I called and left a message. And then... her daughter called and said her mother, my friend, had died ~ Sarah's soul had taken flight ~ I was then left to my tears.

I have tears and memories, lots of both, and a few regrets. Feeling sad that I didn't get a chance to see her one last time, I remembered that we had been together in a dream. I was stunned when I realized that she had died the same morning I'd had the dream. I am just now beginning to have a sense for the extravagant gifts she gave me throughout our relationship, but particularly at the end of her life ~ love, forgiveness, kindness, presence, connection ~ so extravagant and so amazing, my inclination is to say, "that's too much ~ you didn't have to ~ I don't deserve it."  A gentle voice asked about gratitude... things became a little clearer... I am so incredibly grateful for Sarah's gifts to me and I understand now that in accepting/ receiving those gifts with the grace and spirit in which they were given, I can let go of regrets, allowing that loving energy to flow back and forth between us, unhindered ~  it honors our relationship, past, present, and future ~ truly, all of it. So, with open hands and heart, Thank you, Sarah. Thank you!

On my answering machine, I hear her voice saying, "Between you and me, honey, there will never be 'too little, too late.' ...Love to you!" There are relationships that transcend time and space ~ I believe that ours is one of them and that Sarah's energetic presence and wisdom will always be with me... and that, is an amazing and wondrous gift.  ~ With Love and  Peace

Worry and Faith

Twice recently the focus of a sermon or discussion has been on Matthew 6:25-34 ~ The 'Do Not Worry' passages. This is another example of a passage that is oh, so easy to read and say, but is so hard to do, or not do, as the case may be.

God knows me... God knows my mother... God knows my maternal and paternal grandmothers... over achieving worriers all.  With one child in high school, one in middle school, and me starting a new business, the worry potential is elevated, but more than ever so is my desire to loosen its' grip on me. My prayer is that my will and faith are stronger than my DNA. I pray that, in the moment, I can recognize (irrational) worry for what it is and replace it with faith, breath, and wisdom ~ yes, this is my prayer.

Dance with Faith

I was reading a friend's blog recently and she was writing about her unique experience of faith and how it may dance with other expressions of faith ~ the words 'dance' and 'faith' began to spin around in my head and heart and I was reminded how much I love to dance with my husband; how much I love to dance with my children (when they let me); and how much I love to crank the tunes and move with abandon around my living room. As much as I love the dancing, it is not always graceful or pain-free ~ sometimes the timing is off; sometimes feet get stepped on; sometimes the turns are too vigorous and there might be a fall, or at a minimum, some imbalance ~ it can be downright awkward and embarrassing. Such is my dance with Faith as well.

Faith is my, always patient and willing, but somewhat shy, dance partner. I'm sure Faith finds me incredibly frustrating ~ Faith waits for me to ask, but sometimes I just don't want to dance and then when I do, I tend to want to lead ~ Faith goes along with my way of dancing for awhile, but it is definitely awkward. (Think scenes from Seinfeld of Elaine dancing.)

It is always a blessing and the dance is transforming when I allow myself to feel the strength of  my Faith and follow when I hear the whisper, "loosen up ~ breathe ~ I've got you ~ let me lead."

Hot and Sticky

We have a no-shoe policy in our house and still it is amazing how much dust, crumbs, and detritus shows up on the hardwood floors everyday. It is summer ~ I walk around the house barefoot ~ as a result, I feel everything on the floor and it makes me crazy. I'm constantly lifting my feet up and brushing off the bottoms and then grabbing a broom to sweep up and throw away all that has irritated me in that area.  It has been hot and humid for the last week or two ~ I don't mind the heat as I am often cold and most of the time I can tolerate the humidity pretty well too, BUT... I've noticed that my wrist and arms stick to the desk when I type, and my hands and fingers stick to the granite when I lay them on the counter, and my feet... my feet not only pick up everything on the floor, but are actually sticking to the floor, creating a very unpleasant sensation as I walk from room to room. I can't shake the 'stickiness' or its' irritating quality ~ occasionally, a cool breeze will blow through the house and for a few moments the stickiness seems to dissipate, but it is only an illusion as the humidity is still very much present.

I find this is true for certain thoughts and feelings as well. I go about my business and a thought or feeling will suddenly take hold, create pressure on my heart and become hot behind my eyes. As much as I try to sweep away my discomfort and move onto happier, more positive thoughts, this discomfort seems to have a 'sticky' quality. However, just as I am trying to be patient and wait for a big shift in the weather to blow away the humidity, I'm trying desperately to believe and have faith that at some point I will notice that something big has shifted within me as well ~ and maybe, if I'm lucky, those thoughts and feelings will have lost their 'stickiness'.

Stewardship

It was just starting to feel a little strange ~ the idea of having no regular church meeting to attend.

I've been participating on my church's boards, teams, and committees for more years than I can quickly remember ~ I have rolled off of one commitment and moved into another rather seamlessly over the years. This past year was difficult though ~ my various commitments over stretched my tolerance and abilities to manage the busyness of my life. Needless to say, I began to look forward to rolling off the Spiritual Life & Worship Team (a team and tenure I have enjoyed immensely) and taking a year off of major church commitments.

There was a message on my answering machine ~ would I be interested in joining the Stewardship committee?

Really? I thought I had been moving under the radar of availability. It should have been easy to say, "No, I'm sorry. I need to take a year off." But, it wasn't easy and truth told, deep down, I didn't really want to say "no" and so, I didn't. Stewardship isn't just about money and committee work isn't just about church work ~ sharing faith and developing relationships are always the most compelling reasons for me to say "yes".